Tick Tock

I am only slightly freaking out. promise. okay, kidding. I woke up multiple times in panic mode thinking of one thing, and one thing only... I was asked to give a farewell talk this Sunday. I just feel the need to inform you of three things. 1) my biggest fear is public speaking, bet you never guessed that one, huh? spiders come second. ew. 2) This will be my first talk in Church. Granted, I have shared my testimony on multiple, probably too many occasions...but a talk? [NEVER.] How I got under the radar for two and a half years as a convert is a skill..and a surprise to me too. 3) Last time I was supposed to give 3 farewell talks and I successfully dodged them all. Honestly I could have done so again because I had plans to leave early Sunday morning...but I figured I should face my fear and just do it, so here I am agreeing to it. I know all of you are thinking, "girl, its just a talk, its no biggie!" Well let me just tell you people that my face will turn red, I will mumble and my hands will start shaking. At least that will provide some entertainment during Sacrament meeting, am i right or am i right? (:

On Wednesday, Zac told me to get all dressed up because he wanted to take me to his favorite restaurant which is Carrabbas. I have never been but would appreciate it nonetheless because its Italian food, yum. So I donned a black and white polka dot shirt, maroon pants, and black heels and not only curled my hair but I did all my make up, topped with red lipstick. say what?? this girl got ready. Let me just tell you the food there is amazing and the service was awesome and so on top of it! If you go, get the shrimp scampi and if you love lemonade like I do, get a bit crazy and get the Pina Colada flavored lemonade...its the best thing since I found out Utah gives itself an excuse to keep fireworks around and celebrate a holiday like pioneer day. kidding, not kidding. :P Which speaking of celebrating pioneer day, we headed over to the Hansen's for some fun after dinner. Zac and I somehow got into the Cornhole championship, we were against Zac's cousin and his wife, Mitch and Jess...I was a bit nervous because the first time I ever played this game was on Sunday and let me just tell you, I stunk. hah! But I got a few cornholes, and Zac being the boss that he is just kept matching Mitch each and every time and even scored two cornholes in one shot, it was sweet! Unfortunately, we lost...lets go play some football? I can handle that. no, really.  It was fun spending time with Zac's family and watching the fireworks, Ill post the pictures below.  But seriously, theres just something about a family that always makes it a point to come together and catch up and have fun, I love that about his family. Hes great and so is his family (:

Thursday I got a few things done, I obviously got assigned a talk and I was confirmed to get set apart by my stake president; President Hatch at 7pm on August 6th. I also got myself a satchel (finally!) I found it online and it looks perfect and exactly what I need for the mission and it was only $23!

I know Heavenly Father is looking out for me, as well at teaching me to be humble and to be okay with not only asking for help but receiving it, I cant tell Brother Bateman enough how thankful I am for how much they have helped me while I prepare for my mission, its been such a huge blessing. So if you see this... again, Thank you! you and your family are amazing!
Other than that I finished all my pre-MTC training. Got some lawyer stuff taken care of as well, for a car accident I was in two and a half years ago. After that I got ready for my best friend; Chelsea's 21st birthday party, she decided she wanted to go to Chili's so Zac and I got her some cupcakes from the Cocoa Bean and I got her a dress that she liked at a really cute store in University Mall called Romy..seriously, to die for things. totally my style. I got 3 cardigans from there for the mission! (: So we had dinner and caught up with friends and celebrated. After that, Zac and I just went back to my apartment and watched P.S. I love you. We couldn't stop laughing at how similar our relationship was to that of the main couple and how he has parts of every single male character in the movie; Gerry(its with a G, I looked it up!), Daniel, and William  and I really incorporate Holly and Denise.

Today is a new day! Zac and I are going up to Salt Lake City and Layton, we are getting the money back from the engagement ring...which funny story, we had picked out a new ring the day before we called it off, it was exactly what I wanted. It had a diamond band, a halo and a 3/4 carat...all rose gold. I died.  Maybe Ill take a picture of it and post it on here so we can enjoy it and miss it all together. hah, is that awkward or what? oh well. And we are going up to Layton to put his SUV in his uncles shop to see if we can get it fixed. Maybe we will stop by city creek and fulfill Michael's request of taking Zac shopping again before I leave...too bad I'm hesitant, he just looks SO good whenever he wears the things I picked out for him. Really ladies, all these men really need is a woman's touch. With that being said, the goal is to not have Zac be married before I get home, so again Baxter family, take those clothes away while I'm gone!  haha kidding..but not really (: After that, we will be visiting his family, then hopefully have time to get my pain medication for my back refilled, and then who knows what else we will do. Ill keep y'all updated, but wish me luck on my talk and my drive through ALL of California next week. I leave Sunday right after church...ah! But I cant wait to see my brother and sister, AND Meg get sealed. It will be fast paced, but good. I'm excited.


                                                        with love,
                                    

The Final Countdown

Its been a little over a week since my last post, sorry about that! However, anyone who actually remembers what my blog looked like before (completely basic and hideous) you can see I have done a huge amount of work on this thing to make it look decent...and to be honest, I'm quite proud about it because I had ZERO clue how to change anything, and anytime I tried to change something, something else would get messed up...so here's the brand new spankin' blog! Anyways, I got my new MTC date; *drum roll*....AUGUST 7TH! That is in two weeks! So this past week I have been trying to get everything together, Zac and I went shopping for luggage and a camera as well as bed sheets and other miscellaneous things. So far all that is left is: a bike, snow boots (which i may just purchase out there), luggage, shrinking down my patriarchal blessing, my mission call, and my genealogy chart, as well as get a satchel since backpacks are no longer allowed out in the mission field.

Let me catch you up on my final days as a civilian! Its been a fun week, I helped with a Devin Graham video and a Mountain Dew commercial, his YouTube channel is: http://www.youtube.com/user/devinsupertramp

check it out, he has great stuff! the video of me is here

Unfortunately for me, the video will probably be out once I'm out in the mission field. So tell me how it is! It was such an adrenaline rush getting hooked into the harness and just being shot off, but it was so much fun seeing some old friends and making new ones and just doing something that most people don't get to experience. I'm grateful for the opportunities and friends Ive had since moving to Utah, its been so great..and ill always stick to saying that Utah is the best place to live during the summer, there is just always so much going on! 

Other than that I caught up with "The Team" which makes up of all the missionaries that taught me/had an influence on me and helped me get baptized as well as my friend Jackie who is currently serving her mission in Milwaukee! Unfortunately Lincoln couldn't make it because he is in New York, but Erik, Corey, and Kamalei and I had a great time playing miniature golf and chowing down on some classic In N Out, and no matter how bad I stink at playing miniature golf, it was fun catching up and seeing the guys again. 

Next day Zac and I decided to join a group of friends to float the Provo river at midnight, and let me tell you, it was freezing! Fortunately for me, Zac sat on the bottom of our tube and so I sat on his lap, so he got the majority of the freezing water. BUT it was so much fun! We had glow sticks tied to all 21 of us and our tubes. We traveled the river in the dark, even at one point my friend flipping over and getting soaked. haha it was so worth it. I'm loving these last moments with good friends and fun times (:

Its been great with Zac, we have hung out every day together, I love that man and I'm glad we are able to make great memories before I go on my mission. Yesterday we went to the Provo Rec Center and raced down the water slides, climbed up the rock walls, floated the super lazy river and even tried teaching him the dolphin kick. After that we went and roasted smores together in his backyard. We've gone to snowbird where he serenaded me with our song "wanted" by hunter Hayes, and went and ate pho which is such a staple in our relationship! We also went to 7 peaks, spent time with his family, hit some baseballs around...which FYI the Minnesota Twins beat his precious Angels (: love you honey. haha Anyways, the moral is, we are doing just fine and making the best of the times we have left. (:

Today is Pioneer Day which if you don't know is this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pioneer_Day_(Utah)

Its kind of fun to think that I am a modern day pioneer, paving the way for my future family to know about the gospel and Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Im so proud to be a member of my faith, and im excited to spend today with my main squeeze and probably spend some time with his family watching fireworks and playing games. 

Anyways, I'm enjoying the time I have left in Utah before I head to San Diego on Sunday to see my friend Meagan get sealed and to spend time with my brother and my sister before I head to Sacramento and unpack my room and come back to Utah right before I enter the MTC, it will be a crazy short trip, but I'm anxious to see my family and make those lasting memories with them before I begin my journey. I love my family and the support they have been for me the past month and a half, at times Ive really leaned on them and I feel like we've gotten closer through them helping me. Anyways, until next time. Thanks for reading, and ill write again before I leave! (:

                                                   love,

Allowing myself to feel

I am incredibly bad about letting my emotions show or allowing my feelings to come through. I'll often times come off as hard because of this, but I've been through a lot and I thought allowing my emotions to show was a sign of weakness, I've grown to know that mindset is wrong, but old habits die hard.  Today has been a hard day, one of the hardest. I got engaged on June 29th to the most amazing man and I am being serious, he is incredible and I don't think I could say enough good things about him. I should have been more vocal to him about how amazing I think he is. However, today we called off our wedding so I could continue on the path I was on before, to serve a mission.  The mission never left my mind, it was constantly there and therefore become a constant conversation in our relationship; whether I should go or not.  Zac was nothing but supportive, and encouraged me to make the decision that would enable me to not only be my happiest, but to not have regrets. My mindset was this, and its simple.  I have a righteous desire to serve the Lord, to give back just a little of what I have been blessed with, to impact not only those I serve in my mission, but my companions, my friends, and most of all my family.  A mission would help me become the best daughter of God and disciple of Christ I could be, I want to be the best example and I want to help by being a tool in the Lord's hands to bless the lives around me...theres no better way to do that then to serve a mission.  I want both, to serve a full time mission and to be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity to my husband. In this situation, as selfish as this may be, i am capable of attaining both of my desires, and why shouldn't I be able to go after what I want, everything I want?  The stress weighed on me heavily, I wanted to serve a mission but I so badly wanted to be with Zac too. I prayed, I fasted, I went to the temple, I talked to everyone who had stewardship over me.  We did everything we possibly could to go in the direction that we needed to go. In Doctrine and Covenants 9:8-9, it says:

 8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must ^astudy it out in your^bmind; then you must ^cask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your ^dbosom shall ^eburn within you; therefore, you shall ^ffeel that it is right.

 9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a ^astupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is^bsacred save it be given you from me."

The problem was that both decisions are good decisions and Heavenly Father trusted me enough to make the decision I felt was best for me, part of me wished He wouldnt trust me so much. I have a theory, just hear me out, that your engagement shouldn't be tainted with the ideas of "should I serve a mission?" but here I was having those thoughts. Definitely not bad thoughts, but not ones I should or want to be having when I am engaged, I was torn.  I wanted to be jumping up and down excited, the kind of excited that had no reservations, and part of me did feel that way, but bottom line was I did have reservations, because I so desperately wanted to serve. Trust me, I was excited, and I still am excited about Zac and the possibility that after the mission there might be an us.  He is caring, and selfless and so supportive and understanding. I really don't think I could have fallen in love with a  better man, and I am so lucky...and part of me feels so stupid to be giving him up..to be giving us up...but I haven't forgotten the mission, it is still burning in my heart and mind and I am not one to live with regret if I can help it. I just pray that I wont regret giving him up either. 

When meeting with my bishop today, who is an amazing man, all of those who are in the ward are blessed to have him...he told me that I have experienced a loss, a loss of expectations, a loss of not only someone I love, but even a part of me...and he knows me well enough to tell me that I shouldn't bottle it up, that I need to allow myself to feel, to grieve, to cry.  I've been good about it all day, okay granted I had tears coming down my face at points, but not the noticeable, scrunched up face, weird animal noises and heaving that so often happens to us women as we cry...lets face it, its not pretty. But my mom called me, upon request from my brother who told her of the news before I did...and I lost it. Two women crying is worse than one, but she wouldn't give up so easily when I told her I'd call her tomorrow because I could feel the waterworks and the weight of my chest start to collapse and give in to everything I had been carrying.  I cried, and she cried with me. This isn't normal for me, I bottle things up and I am so good at it! But I allowed myself to hurt, and the raging headache I currently have is a result of that...but its fine. I know that I need to serve a mission, I don't know why or what that reason is but I want to find out. I love Zac, I love us together, I love our potential, I love how funny our relationship is and how he has been there all along and I just was too blind to notice. He really is amazing.  I cant tell everyone enough how thankful I am of those who have been respectful of our decision, your kind texts, messages, comments and calls have been so supportive, so thank you.  My head is pounding, and my eyes hurt so im signing off for the night...but I want to leave everyone with this first.  We are capable of reaching our fullest potential when we have and keep our sights on God, if we align our will with our father in heaven's will, we will be blessed. God knows you personally, he knows your strengths, your weaknesses, your desires and He wants to be there every step of the way if you prayerfully seek Him.  My journey has been hard, and it will continue to be, but I grow through my trials because they are trials of faith. I am grateful for my hardships because as crappy as they are in the moment, they are blessings in disguise. Dont be afraid to cry, to hurt, to grieve when you too are going through something difficult, lean on Christ, you can do all things through Christ, he will help ease your burden. Both Zac and I will grow from our relationship, and from this experience. I pray our paths will intertwine again after the mission, but God has a plan for us, each of us...and im so grateful for that knowledge. Thanks again. Heres some photos of my favorite person and best friend (:

Why Hello Blogging World (:

I am fairly new to the whole "blogging" sphere, I had a previous blog that I almost thought of as a personal journal, here it is:  http://karliedonohue.tumblr.com. Its raw, but thats how I want this, to never be sugar coated, but to be as real and honest as I can possibly make it.  I am creating a blog for multiple reasons, one being that I feel like my life is constantly changing and the only way to truly remember it, is by writing it down. Memories are great, but memories with the addition of something in writing, make those times come back to life more than they ever could just floating around in my head. Two, I am serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I need a place to put all my letters that I would otherwise E-mail home, but its too difficult to ask someone in my family to mass E-mail everyone, some are just too busy with their lives and others are just not too tech savvy, but I love you my beautiful family! So if you want it, then it will be all right here. Enjoy it, Read it, Grow with me (:

But first things are first, this is my blog, so therefore I feel like those reading it should know a small portion of me. Clearly I am a mormon and I am so proud of it, I worked hard to get to where I am.  Ive been a member of the church since October 2nd, 2010 and I can honestly say it was the best day of my life and because of the choices I made that day, I have been so much happier. Sure, I have struggles, and trials, but they are so much easier when you know you have a loving Heavenly Father who cares and loves you and He has a plan for you and no matter what you're going through, you're never alone because Christ is walking beside you and even sometimes carrying you every part of the way. I am 21 years young, I grew up in a small cow town called Elk Grove, California which is right outside Sacramento.  I appreciate where I grew up more and more, especially each time I visit. I am currently living in good ol' Provo, Utah. Otherwise known as "Happy Valley" and to be frank, I really like it here, besides the horrendous winters...yeah those can be gone. I went to San Francisco Academy of Art University for Multimedia Advertising, then Cosumnes River College, and then transferred to wonderful Utah Valley University which I love. Seriously, Im not joking. I am a proud wolverine! I am a communications major and had dreams of one day becoming a creative director for an advertising firm, if not my own but that may change the more I think of starting a family of my own and that the career choice I initially chose wouldn't enable me to be the active mother and wife I would hope to strive to be for my family, so I'm starting to turn towards Dental Hygiene, complete 180, I know! I love my family, I am the youngest of three siblings. I have an older brother named Kevin, and a twin sister named Kaylyn. My parents are divorced and my dad recently got remarried so my family has grown twice its size! I love dark chocolate, dolphins, the color blue, puppies, sunshine, the ocean, laughing, food (my close friends call me Chub Chub), and I love being outdoors and doing new things. That all sounds so typical, doesn't it? However, I assure you Im not you're typical girl, I hope that you'll grow to see that throughout this blog.