I left my heart in Minnesota

So in Minnesota it is 6:30 am, for all of you return missionaries, you know that right now we would be working out for the day. However, I am in California and its 4:30 am...and well, id love to go out running but I think my mom wouldn't like that, and not having a companion with me already makes me feel weird. I keep looking for her. So since I cant go back to sleep, I decided to write this instead. So surprise! I am home. I was told monday morning on our P-day before I wrote home. However we were hoping I would get to the end of the transfer since its a week away, but mid E-mail I found out my flight would be leaving the next day (yesterday)...and honestly, I just didn't have the heart to mention it in my E-mail because frankly, it broke my heart to know I would be coming home. I just wanted everyone to hear it from me, and not someone else. I have been fairly quiet about it, because well..I was hopeful. Anyways I am home due to health concerns. It was one thing after another that kept happening, it was almost like a series. President Clements told me that he had never seen anything quite like this much adversity to a missionary in such a short amount of time.. But I pushed through it as long as I could and it reminds me of this scripture, its one of my companions favorites and has quickly become one of mine too; "..Go among thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success" Alma 26:27. I was able to get a CT scan done that showed a kidney stone, however it should have passed by now (its been there for 3 weeks) and so they no longer know what it is. I would get a severe searing pain in my back that would cause me to be incapable at times to work. The hard thing is, I didn't know when it would start or when it would end. It had become a constant worry if I would be in pain that day and if the pain would be too severe that it would be debilitating. I was talked to by President multiple times about the possibility of having to send me home and the possibility that the mission was no longer where Heavenly Father needed me to be. I will be honest and say I was confused, I had felt prompted to go on a mission, and very much so thats where I needed to be. I asked my mission president that question, and he reminded me of the story of Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was instructed by the Lord to sacrifice his only son, his everything, on the altar. Right before Abraham went to sacrifice Isaac, he was directed not to by the Lord. Not only does it symbolize the Father and the willingness of the Son, Jesus Christ, but it is also a trial of faith. A reflection of our obedience and love towards God. Are we willing to put everything on the altar and sacrifice everything for Him? President Clements said that very well in itself could have been my mission; An act of Faith. I will be honest and say that the night before I left the MTC after praying, I got a distinct impression that I need to appreciate every moment, and work as hard as I possibly could because the time on my mission would be cut short due to health. Here is an excerpt from my journal entry the night before I left for Minnesota; "I will miss this experience at the MTC and all that it has given me. I know I need to have faith and not fear. And sometimes, thats really hard to do. I know this work isn't easy, however I do know it is worth it. I cant wait to become more like who He wants me to be and to help others do the same. And in essence both missionary and investigator are growing to be more like the savior. I got a feeling today that I may have to go home early due to medical. I hope that does not happen. I want to serve a full time mission." I couldn't distinguish at the time if it was Satan trying to work on me, or Heavenly Father giving me a fair warning. However everyone knows me well enough to know that I am extremely stubborn...and for something like going home, you can bet I put my foot down at the very thought of it. I think because of my stubbornness President allowed me a lot more chances then he otherwise would have, so i'm grateful for the time that I did have to be a missionary, and although I am now officially released as a full time missionary, ill always be one in heart and spirit. I am grateful that I "bore with patience my afflictions" because I too saw much success. Although my time there was short, I feel like I gained a lifetime of lessons, experiences, and knowledge. Missions do change lives. I will reiterate what my stake president said to me before he released me, "There is nothing in the white handbook that says you need to serve 18 or 24 months to be a return missionary and to do and learn the things that Heavenly Father wants you to do or to learn." I know and Heavenly Father knows that I served with all my heart, might, mind, and every ounce of strength I had. In the amount of time I was there, I became more humble, patient, and my capacity to love grew so much. I was blessed to see the blessings of the gospel and the spirit work in the hearts of others. In my final interview with President Clements he mentioned that before he meets the new missionaries he tentatively plans on where he wants them to serve. He had tentatively assigned me to serve in the Twin City Young Single Adult Ward, otherwise more warmly associated with being called by the missionaries "dinkeytown."I would have been serving among people my own age and on the University of Minnesota Campus. However, after meeting me, he was praying to know if that is where I needed to serve. He said he received one of the strongest impressions he has gotten while as a mission president that I needed to serve in Eden Prairie. He then thought well, I could have her serve in TCYSA and then Eden Prairie, but the prompting had urgency and he didn't understand why, now we do. Opening Eden Prairie was an incredible experience, one that I otherwise would not have gained serving in a young single adult ward. I was able to meet and teach some incredible people whose hearts have softened because of the message of Jesus Christ that we share, but I was also able to have example after example of families, families in the gospel in particular. I was able to see the difference that raising a family in the gospel provides, the warmth and light of the spirit in their homes and I was given examples that one day I would like to model for my own family. I am blessed. Thank you to everyone who has reached out me, a friend of mine mentioned this to me and I love how it applies, "For someone as dedicated as you were to your mission to come home early can be devastating. Here you have put so much of your heart and life and desire into serving The Lord and now you are finding yourself in the most difficult of positions. It can be heart wrenching and confusing, lonely and painful. I am reminded of the gardener pruning the tree. As I am sure you know the tree sometimes does not understand the pain or reasons the gardener cuts it and causes it pain. But if the tree was not pruned it would not be able to grow as tall or big or even in the right direction. Even the smallest limb cut on the tree can change the entire direction of growth." Its a testament to me that I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, granted...I don't quite know what it is yet, but I do know that He loves me and He wants the best for me and just like the gardner, He is helping me to grow in the right direction. I am aligning my will with His and I am putting all my trust in Him. Many have asked what my plans are next, and I have gotten so used to planning day by day, hour by hour..and thats how I am going to take it for the next little bit; day by day. Theres so many things I learned on my mission, that I will carry in my heart forever, but theres one thing in particular that I want to mention...Always have the faith to try. 

I want to share my testimony that I know that this is the gospel of Jesus Christ. This is His church. I will be eternally grateful to Him because He sacrificed His life for all of us, so we could return to live with our Father in Heaven. I know that Christ's gospel can change lives and turn the hearts of people towards the Lord. I have seen what the spirit can do, I have experienced it myself. On October 2nd I will have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for 3 years, I know the blessings that the gospel brings. Three years ago If you would have told me that I'd become a member of the church and then a missionary, I wouldn't have believed you...But I am, and I am grateful for the Lords hand in my life. I wouldn't change anything for the world. My mission is sacred to me, and I will hold it dear to my heart. I know that missions change lives and that they bless families. If you are preparing to serve or are currently serving, never take a moment for granted, even when that door slams in your face. You have planted a seed. I too closed that door on missionaries before, do not be discouraged. I promise you will see the fruits of your labor. I already miss Minnesota and the people we were teaching, However I do know that they are in good hands (: But please keep them in your prayers. There is power in prayer, never underestimate that Heavenly Father is listening. 

Anyways, I do not have a phone yet, it is in Utah and it is being shipped home to me. So feel free to contact me through facebook (ahh its so weird!) and this E-mail. It should be active for a bit. Also if you have questions about my faith, Id love to be your guide so that you can learn the truth of the message of Jesus Christ for yourself, so please ask me or contact some missionaries in your area! 

Again thank you for all of your love and your support.

                    All my love,

Hit the ground running!

This week has been AWESOME. So many tender mercies, its been so great to see the lords hand sooo much this week, I am so grateful to be a missionary! First off is sweet Beverly, I adore her. She has been wanting to meet with us even more this week and the change in her is becoming more and more distinct, the Lord is softening her heart and seriously its turning to goo. Its great, shes great! She actually READ the assignments we gave her, and not only that but she took notes and wrote down questions too. Then the next visit we had planned to teach her something completely different but we kept getting prompted by the spirit to teach her about the power of prayer and how she can recieve personal revelation through the scriptures. We asked her what question she wanted to ask Heavenly Father and we promised that she would recieve an answer through the scriptures. Funny thing is though, we already said we were going to be reading out of first nephi...and guess what she wanted to have answered..."How can I get better sleep?" uhhhh...we were like oh poop. Because anyone who has read 1st nephi knows...theres nothing about getting better sleep in there. It was hilarious, BUT it turned out great because seriously it turned out to be like a scene out of the District (which is a set of videos that help train missionaries to teach better) and guess what? SHE FELT AND RECOGNIZED THE SPIRIT! she goes " I have this weird warm feeling in my heart" seriously it took all my control to not jump up and point and be like THAT IS THE SPIRIT. But we let her know that that was the spirit and if she were to be baptized she would recieve the gift of the holy ghost and have the companionship of it always. ahh it was so great! shes a doll. We were able to meet with Trinity this week and she is AWESOME. kid you not, shes solid and we have her baptism date set for october 12th, I am so excited for her! Weve been able to meet with her like 3-4 times a week and she will definitely be ready for baptism by then. ah. do you see all these miracles?! But im not even done yet. hah. We finally were able to meet up with Allison again and we were able to teach her the Gospel of Jesus Christ, it was so great because it was Allison and the entire Lyman family and a boy from the ward, so there was like almost 10 people there, it was slightly intimadating but the spirit was there and it was strong and she wants and agreed to be baptized, but shes 17 and so needs permission from her parents so we had to tell her that we cant continue to teach her until we get her parents permission but shes doing that this week (: It has been super tough opening an area and not having anything to go off of and its taken some time to establish the area but we have some really progressing investigators and I can really see the Spirit working in them and their hearts being softened and that their desire is changing and turning towards the Lord. Hard work pays off! We had Beverly, Trinity, Allison, and Neveah ( a girl we taught the restoration and invited to be baptized) come to church! It was awesome! and not only that, They all stayed all three hours. And it was the primary program and a linger longer...so it was like the perfect day ever because all these cute little kids were singing and sharing their experiences and testimonies of the gospel and then afterwards we got delicious food. Seriously, it was great and I am happy (:

 

I know without a doubt that this is the church of Jesus Christ, the same one that Christ established on the earth while he was here. I know that Christ died for us, each and every one of us, not only did he take upon himself the sins of the world but all of our pains, disease, and afflictions. I know that because of His sacrafice, I am not alone and never will be. I know that Jospeh Smith was a prophet and by the power of God was able to translate the Book of Mormon and that The Book of Mormon is the word of God and that Heavenly Father communicates with us through them. I love this gospel, I love being a missionary, I love knowing that I am a child of God and that He loves me and that He loves you.

 

quote of the week:

-While in the elevator at the hospital-

Man: "are you two sisters?"

Us: "No, We are missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints."

Man: "Oh! So youre angels!"

 

(:

 

Love you all!

This week has been crazy.

Enough said. Hah, I could leave this letter with the subject line alone and it would sum up this week best. Anyways, I always like dishing out the good before the bad, so dont you dare scroll down to the bottom and pass all the good stuff, because trust me its good! hah, anyways I actually wrote down things throughout this week so hopefully this letter will come off more organized and put together. It is SO easy to forget what happened earlier in the week, because you do so much every single day! Earlier this week we went and taught Shikah who was the hindu lady that we met at the park, I dont know if I mentioned her. Anyways we taught her and her mom and her husband in their house. It was so interesting because they dont believe in Jesus Christ and they believe in multiple Gods, like for example they believe that in essence a cow is a god. really, thats even the example they used. It was interesting, but it was fun being able to simplify the restoration and the basic beliefs of Christianity to the best of our abilities. Her mom was pretty interested and asked if we could get her a hinde book of mormon...uhh you kidding? OF COURSE I CAN. hah it was a fun experience, especially offering a prayer at the end of the lesson. They didnt understand it, and kept asking what the objective or purpose of it. Im like because Heavenly Father loves you and wants to hear from you! If I didnt know the importance of prayer before i came on the mission, I definitely know it now. by golly. prayer is essential! On Wednesday we had new missionary training, so all the new missionaries and our trainers went to the mission home for most of the day and were taught by president and sister clements and the assistants to the presidents, it was mainly about planning and contacting. It was fun, until my kidney stones started acting up, but ill get to that later. It was great to see my MTC zone again and to catch up. After the missionary training we had exchanges again, I went to shingle creek with sister ballif. It was awesome! Shingle creek is like Africa, kid you not. practically everyone there is from that continent and it is awesome because the people are so humble and willing to listen, it is such a stark contrast to eden prairie, but it made me appreciate it so much more and I know that if i ever get the change to serve in an area where people are more receptive like that, its because of serving in eden prairie that I wont take those circumstances for granted. Within the 48 exchange that i was there, I saw a fight, ate african spinach rice with some weird fish body thing..dont ask me what it was, because i wasnt going to ask either haha, taught more lessons in two days than I otherwise would have taught in a week, learned the liberian handshake (its sweet), ate pho (miss it so much!) and spoke spanish which was fun! and ultimately had an amazing time. But what it made it more amazing was these three things: First person we contacted had just gotten out of prison three weeks ago and had been there for years, he even had the bracelet on his foot on (he showed us) and both of his parents had committed suicide. This man has gone through a lot, we were able to teach him the resoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and you could just see within minutes of us talking that he could feel the spirit and that the spirit was touching his heart. I loved being able to share it with him and I hope that the sisters will continue to teach him, so that he can access the atonement and feel God's love for him even more.  second tender mercy was when we were tracting into an apartment building, we tracted into this girl named allyssa, she is 16 and hispanic and shes seriously the cutest girl ever. We taught her the restoration and invited her to pray. She had never prayed before, it was so humbling to teach her how to talk to our heavenly father and what it means. She was so nervous! and it reminded me so much of all the times the missionaries would invite me to pray and I would refuse because i too was nervous, So we offered to pray first and afterwards we invited her to. It took about 10 minutes but she did it, and it was the sweetest prayer I had ever heard, and she said she even felt good after saying it. The spanish sister missionaries will be going back and giving her el libro de mormon and teaching her. I just remember walking away from her apartment and thinking "that was amazing, I love being a missioanry." Seriously, its the smallest things that make my day now. Afterwards, we had an appointment with the brueshabers, brother brueshaber has been investigating for some time now but still had some issues with certain things. The lesson started off well enough and then sister baliff started asking him the baptismal interview questions, he had three issues: tithing, joseph smith, and thomas s monson being a prophet of God. I dont think it was a mistake for me to be there that day, and neither did brother brueshaber, because as we came across his concern for tithing, i was able to share my experience and my testimony of tithing and afterwards he was just silent and then asked "who was in charge of getting her here?!" and Sister Baliff just goes "God." He committed himself to pay the law of tithing and the spirit was so strong! afterwards he said he had an issue with joseph smith and modern prophets. So we asked him if he believed that the book of mormon was the word of God and he said yes, and we just looked at each other and in unision sister baliff and I flipped to the introduction and had him read the last two paragraphs, and afterwards we just sat in silence for about a minute and let the spirit teach him. After about a minute we extended the invitation of baptism and he said yes. YESSSS! it was incredible, and I am so glad I was able to be there for it. Such a great week We had two exchanges this week so I missed a lot of the happenings in Eden Prairie, but Beverly is still progressings and we are meeting with her again today. Also a girl named Trinity is moving to eden prairie today, she was in the young single adult ward and being taught by the sisters there, but we are taking over. Apparently shes a hoot so I cant wait to meet her and her mom! Her mom got baptized two months ago and apparently trinity is solid, we just have to go over a few a things before she gets baptized.Anyways heres the bad news, if you want to keep it on a happy note, just exit out of this E-mail. Hah but anyways, we dont know whats exactly wrong, the test that came from the urgent care came back negative, so it wasnt what they were thinking. Im thinking it is kidney stones...the pain has been extremely severe to the point where its causing me to be physically sick and cant move. I have a doctors appointment today so hopefully ill have answers next week, so please keep me in your prayers. I know that they work miracles! (:

 

Anyways, love you all! Also remember that every decision you make either brings you closer or further from Jesus Christ. Choose the right! :)

Greenie Grasshoppers

It has been a crazy week! On tuesday we did another exchange, except this time I was staying in Eden Prairie, and a different sister was coming to my area. Not only that, she was a greenie (new missionary) too. So picture two girls who have only been in minnesota for two weeks trying to figure out where to go, especially when opening an area..Oh and heres the kicker, my trainer accidently took the car keys with her. so we didnt have the car for the day...and our area is huge! and we had an appointment at 2 completely across town...So you know what we did. I mapped the way to her house, (an outdated map we found out) and biked the entire way to her house..which was about 7-8 miles. Also that day I realized that I dislike grasshoppers almost as much as I hate spiders. There were HUNDREDS on the way to her house, and they kept jumping up in our skirts...you can betcha that I shrieked like a little girl. Probably funniest part was when my companion for the day, sister mcrae, wanted a picture of herself near a lake off of the freeway (yeah we biked that too) and so she sets her bike down and about 40 insects just fly and jump up at her...I dont think ive laughed so hard in a long time. hah, Anyways we got there though! and it went amazing! Her name is Sister Pederson, and seriously, I love her. She reminds me of you, mom. (: anyways, this sweet woman has gone through a lot and has been struggling with repentance. We often dont realize that forgiveness is a huge part of repentance. Not only do we need to go to the Lord with a broken heart and ask Him for forgiveness  but WE need to forgive ourselves, and those who have hurt us. I was able to share with her the story of "the room" which talks about the atonement, it is super powerful, and one of my favorite stories. Thanks Jackie for sharing it with me when I was investigating, 3 years later and it still impacts me (: So everyone, I would attach it to this email if i could, but were not allowed to. so google it!  Other than that, we are still meeting with Beverly, she is the first person I ever taught coming to minnesota and shes been hard to contact, but we were able to meet with her twice this week and its been awesome. She has had a lot of questions regarding the plan of salvation, but the more we are able to meet with her and really simplify it, I notice the spirit working in her. She has been meeting with missionaries off and on for about three years now, and there was a big break when her husband got cancer and then passed away, so its been some time that the missionaries have visited her. We try and have a member come to our discussions and we had a member with us who has participated in the discussions with beverly previously..and she told us that beverly had never prayed with the missionaries before, but she prays with us. I know that she feels the spirit and I know the spirit is working in her. Its been awesome to watch (: Also Allison, the girl I told you about last week, we had an appointment with her, but she cancelled because her mom told her she couldnt go. It seriously broke my heart, because I know Allison has felt the spirit, shes reading the book of mormon, and she has a desire to know...but we cant do much since she is a minor. So we will keep trying to get in contact with her famly. Theres also Estafan, he is 13 and his family are members of the church but he is not. We taught him this week about the plan of salvation and we are meeting with him again tonight. Its been hard to keep him focused so ive been trying hard to figure out how to make the opportunities weve had to meet with him more fun, I think tonight will be really good. Candy has been my go to, but weve got a few other things planned for tonight too (: we shall see! Other than that, its been a hard week, and not with a lot of success. We have been finding, or otherwise known as tracting a lot..one day thats all we did. I personally do not like tracting because its not super effective, but its been interesting because we teach as we find, so its been interesting to figure out what will allow people to open up to you, so you can share something with them that will touch their hearts. If anyone knows the restoration, you know theres a lot of information given, its been fun to simplify it as much as possible and try to apply it to them in a matter of minutes. But its hard! Although it hasnt been a super successful week, Ive seen small miracles. And they usually come right at 9 o'clock..of course they would! hah. Twice, after a long full day of tracting without much success, we decide to knock on one more door before we really have to get home...it was the last house and this sweet single mom lets us into her home and we were able to share the restoration with her and give her a book of mormon. We will be visiting with her again this week (: also a man named Lu who is from Vietnam we were able to teach him the restoration on his doorstep, and we will be meeting with him this week too. So its been great, ive learned a lot of patience this week. Have it be with the work, my companion or with myself. Ive had to be patient with those who reject us, and those who try to cause contention with us, as well as being silent when I get frustrated with my companion. Most of all, the biggest one is being patient with myself. I had to go to urgent care this past week and I swear im scaring my companion to death because of it but hey, its preparing her to be a great mom, right? hah! But its caused me to work through the pain, and i am. my companion keeps telling me we should go home and i tell her no.  hah, yeah im frustrating im sure. but its the Lords time, not mine! im going to work until I cant move.  but seriously, dont worry. I am still moving, so its all good! hah. (:

Anyways I love you all!

1) Me and sister Szabo, the sister we did exchanges with last week. She's awesome!

Week Two!

The MTC district! 

Hello!

So sorry about last week, I got a call in the middle of writing to everyone, and by the time I came back to finish my letter, the computer already had its screen saver up and deleted my E-mail and I didn't have enough time to rewrite it. But its crazy to think that ive been on my mission for almost a month! ah! The mission is much different then the MTC, we are opening an area so we are constantly tracting and trying to find people who have a desire to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ, theres been multiple times where the door has been closed on our faces, BUT its those moments where people share their beliefs with you, and you have the opportunity to share your beliefs with them and youre able to soften their hearts and enable them to feel of Christ's love for them that makes it so worth it. Its SO awesome to notice when people can recognize the Spirit and Gods love for them, it makes all those doors closing on your face feel like a welcome breeze (: which in this heat, is ideal! This past week we had exchanges, I am companions with one of the Sister Training Leaders, so its really great for me because each week I get to go to a different area of Minnesota and experience a different companion. This past week I was able to go to Andover for two days and serve with a sweet girl named sister Szabo, I quickly realized why she wasn't training me, we have too much fun together! haha, but shes great, and we worked really really well together. During our two days together, I feel like we got hit with everything on all sides, from very hostile people to people who were extremely depressed. It was our last night together and we had plans to visit some other people, but my companion felt prompted to meet a less active woman. So we went and met her, it hurt my heart to hear how she felt, she felt that God had abandoned her. The spirit was so strong when we told her that God is aware of her, and loves her, and that Heavenly Father often sends us answers to our prayers through people, and I told her that it was because of that that we felt prompted to throw our plans aside and to come see her. Ive thought about her often since coming back from the exchange, and realized that often times we feel alone and that God has abandoned us, but in reality its usually the other way around; that we turn our backs on Him. Usually when we feel like not praying , or reading our scriptures, that's usually when we need to do those things the most. Anyways, I don't think I will ever be able to say that the mission is easy, because to be honest, Its not meant to be, and I know ill be grateful for that. Through trials, come blessings! Also some of you had questions about my companion, shes been out for a year and her name is sister mansfield and yes, she is 22! we get along great, and shes exactly what I wanted in a trainer, someones whose obedient! (: We have been able to meet some amazing people, theres a girl named Allison that we are teaching who honestly, reminds me of myself and her friend allyssa reminds me so much of Jackie (love you Jack!) Allison is Catholic, but she has a strong desire to be baptized because she has been able to feel the spirit and God's love for her. She wants to be baptized, but shes 17 and so we needed to get her parent's permission to do so. All day yesterday I fasted for her and for her family, and the first thing I heard coming to church was that Allison had spoke to her parents and were okay with her being baptized! I know that He listens to our prayers (: I want to share a quick testimony that I know that this is Christ's church in these latter days, and that not only did Christ establish His church, but he atoned for each and every one of us to take upon himself our sins, but not only that but because we can know that we are never alone, He has felt what we have felt and He is with us every step of the way. I know that God answers our prayers, He listens, He cares and that He loves each and every one of us. Most of all I know that by following Christ's example, it will bring us strength and joy in ways that we can never imagine and that gives me hope.

I love all of you! Thank you so much for all your prayers, they have meant the world to me and have made all the difference. If you want to send me any letters or packages, they've asked me to tell you to send it to the mission home address which should be on my facebook and blog.

Love you!